Happy Full Flower Moon
This is a wonderful time to reflect on how far you have come…

How do you honor and own your innocence — your power
the essence of who you are?

By doing those deeply unfashionable things …

I’ve been drawn to spiritual transformation, conscious soul development, and healing for as long as I can remember. Many of you have received my newsletter for years, know my backstory, and have attended my retreats or events. For those new to my news, I share my current investigations/realizations, and the importance of this deep inner work for mending our collective consciousness. This will help you understand the ‘why’ behind what I offer.

I wish to learn more about your journey as well.

As a young girl, I ached to participate in the high mass of the holy fathers.
I wanted to live fully.

I was conditioned to believe the Catholic mass was the way.
But the door was not open to my female gender nor was I looking in the right direction.
I was looking up to heaven — for transcendence.

I needed a wise elder to point me in the right direction
to my body — to my inner knowing.

In my early days of seeking an abrupt injury took place that shattered my sense of self.
I felt I had a hole in the bottom of my being that leaked out goodness, dimmed my light, and numbed all feeling. A split occurred as if I were two people, one entirely bad, intoxicated, self-shaming, and sabotaging. The other relentlessly strived to puff up like a perfectly pleasing and colorful peacock who performed tricks for free.

Over time my commitment to mending these fragmented parts has fortified me with gifts, resources, and connections that I would not be alive without.
Healing is not linear, I’ve circled many times gathering, polishing,
and integrating myself back into wholeness.
I am indebted to so many people, including my children.

Today I call this insatiable inner yearning — a need to connect to soul — our life juice.

A sense of mysterious wonder that burns brightly and dances freely with both feet on the ground.

In my therapeutic work with the spirit of the plants and prior, I continue to have the good fortune of meeting many people like myself who want to heal and recover a vital sense of inner value
— an empowerment to thrive beyond survival.

Early relational trauma results from the fact that we are interrupted by an experience in
this life that we are ill-equipped to metabolize consciously.
A young person who is violated or seriously neglected by a trusted adult is overwhelmed by intolerable effects that are impossible to understand or even think about.

A shock to the psychosomatic unity of the personality threatens to extinguish a vital spark of the person so crucial for the experience of aliveness and feeling real — like a whole person.
Many psycho-spiritual therapists and indigenous medicine people call this “soul murder.”

This murdered soul or lost heart of the self disappears into the unconsciousness.

What has been broken relationally must be repaired relationally.

Most injuries from our early relational lives can be unpacked, metabolized,
and re-experienced toward a different outcome.

Therapeutic processes, relational dynamics, and the spirits of the plants can reach into rigid neural nets that are wired into defensive patterns and reconfigure.

While doing the work of repair — intimate feeling connections stabilize over time.

Recently a middle-aged man who has been attending my retreats for several years
arrived at a new place in his healing journey.

The room was pitch black, we were mid-ceremony in altered states of consciousness.
I heard snarls and growls cutting through the darkness.

I quietly located the source of intrigue —
I discovered a mighty feral cat vigorously reclaiming his power.

During our integration sessions, it was evident that a deep
inner transformation had taken place.
The man looked different—both gentle and strong, at home within himself.
Knowing about the predatorial assault he experienced as a young man,
I felt privileged to witness how far he has come in his healing journey.

He reported, “I am in my body — with full power.”

This is exactly why I do what I do.

I can hardly call it work. I call it witnessing.

My role is to foster safety and earn trust, call in the presence of Self and the Plants,
and hold up a mirror to the beleaguered self, to invite the soul back into embodiment—home.

Most of us have had deforming mirrors held up in our lives that create anti-wholeness defenses.
I offer a non-distorting mirror that reflects a larger potential in the interest of wholeness and love.

Sacred tobacco, dreams, and restful integration are essential in this process to guide a way of living life from an empowered and free perspective of reality.

Yesterday I was walking with our dog Woodzie when a patch of grass sprinkled with
golden flowers called to me. I sat down, then I laid back.
It was a delicious and a rather new behavior to stop during my vigorous morning walk
and take time to savor the beauty of the moment.

The Importance of Safety for Deep Emotional Healing a 4.5-minute video here. 

This is what retreat does — it gives us full permission to live life and be lived by life:

“Doing those deeply unfashionable things

slowing down, letting your spare time expand, getting enough sleep, resting—

is a radical act now, but it is essential.

This is a crossroads we all know,

a moment when you need to shed a skin.

If you do, you’ll expose all those painful nerve endings and feel so raw that you’ll need to take care of yourself for a while.

If you don’t, then that skin will harden around you.”

—Katherine May – Wintering,

The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times